Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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