I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
