I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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