I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
