I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
