Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
