i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
