stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
