just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
