i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My vagina just recognized that song.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
