She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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