I accidentally burped into my bong.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
