Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
