worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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