I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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