my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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