He asked to "fluff my boner.."
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
