There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
