just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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