Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
