if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
