Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
