I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
