Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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