Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
