I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
