I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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