You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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