I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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