i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
