textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
