You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
