Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying