i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
