I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
