He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him