NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
