Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?