I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dating After Heartbreak
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out