You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
