Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize