Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
