I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
