Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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