I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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