dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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