but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
This toilet bowl is my home.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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