Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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