You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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