WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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