Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
