It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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