and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize