I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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