Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
