is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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