dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
