barbara walters just said penis...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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