The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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