Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
