That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
