you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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