she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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