mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
