she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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