Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
