Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
