you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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