Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize