Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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