Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
