you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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