1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
